Christmas

Having a great Christmas so far?

I’m not.. Hope you guys have made your Christmas wish. I have made mine. The one thing I want most.. It’s not a wish if I said it. But I guess you already know if you have read my previous posts. It’s been a sad Christmas for me so far. I would like to take this opportunity to dedicate a song to you. Coldplay – Christmas Light

I love Coldplay, they are one of my favorite bands. And the lyrics I can certainly relate. The song is a metaphor. The “snow” is representing the person he loves. So this song is about spending the Christmas alone without the love ones. And it breaks my heart every time I listen to this song… It is very poetic as well..

Not just me having a sad Christmas… A very dear friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of few years. They were planning to get married soon. But he cheated on her… I feel really sorry for her, and I feel like it’s my obligation to help her. Because she is a friend of mine. And I don’t have many friends to care for. I would do anything to help her, to help her get better and help her to move on. She is my mentor, that’s why it’s my duty to help her. I am really depressed after hearing about her tragedy. She is a very nice person and she doesn’t deserved to be treated like this. It is really unfair to her. And I sometimes wonder, why do all the good person always get the most unlucky ending. Is it really, “Good person finish last” really true?

Seems to me it is… Here I would like to pay my utmost blessings and wishes to her. Hope she can move on, I will do my best of course. Hope she will find a good guy soon. She deserves a happy ending. I would like to also specially dedicate a Coldplay song to her as well.. Coldplay – Fix you

It’s been a sad year for me and my friends as well.. I have found my soulmate but at the wrong place wrong time. I broke up with a girl before that.. She was a bitch anyway.. No regret leaving her… Friends been though tough times.. And I am doing my best to be a listener.

It’s not the first time I am being a listener. I have been a shoulder to cry on, a person to listen to problems a few times. The beautiful notebook I have is from Judit, the girl I love, my soulmate, I have been a person she needed, a person to talk to when she was having a hard time. She gave me the notebook as a gift to thank me. The cross necklace I am wearing is from Ava. A girl I met before I transferred to English studies. I helped her to feel better and help relieving her pressure of studying. She gave me the necklace as a thank you gift as well. These items means a lot to me. It reminds me of who I am. And how I helped people so far.. This gives me motivation to help people in needs.

Sadly, the more I help, the more I realise that… I will always be the person they need, but I will never be the person who they want. I am still lonely and alone. Now I understand the saying “The loneliest and saddest person, is the person who smile the brightest and  the person who can make you happy”. This is what I am doing so far…

Will I get the girl? No, I can’t feel love anymore to anyone except Judit. I sort of understand I might never have the chance to have her. That’s why I’d rather isolate myself. Because I don’t want to feel again. It’s hurt loving a person I can’t have. She will always have a place in my heart.

Have a great Christmas to those who are reading this. Since I don’t have a chance to say this to Judit, I’ll just say it right here.

“I love you Judit, wish you have a great Christmas, all I want is you to be happy, even if I can’t have you.. We are still perfect for each other. I wish one day I could be with you. I wish….. We had more time…”

 

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About Royce

A person who likes to think and think a lot... I like hanging out at places that is peaceful and quiet(which helps thinking). I draw and I write blogs occasionally. Feel free to look around in my little world. You might find something you like!
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